I've thought about "accidentally" letting it fall down the stairs but that would mean a) I'd have to vacuum upstairs shudder which is really Kenny's gross boy lair and therefore not my responsibility, and b) I honestly think a hoist down the stairs would just make it stronger.
I've also deliberately let it suck up stuff it shouldn't, hoping for it's demised, but nothing seems to phase this beast. Sure, the attachment head is so worn out that it scratches the wood floor, but that doesn't stop it from half-heartily sucking up jewelry wire, beads, edamame pods and mounds of cat hair.
I've flirted with others, the purple Dyson is totally love-affair material, but I don't have $500 to spend on a vacuum no matter how compelling and British the commercials may be. I think I'd really rather just have a shinier more updated and bagless version of the one I have. I want it to be upright and maybe a little stupid. I think that's really important, that my next vacuum be kinda stupid, because the one I have now is wily like a fox. A fox that sucks and refuses to die.
* That picture up top is actually a quilt. More where that came from here.