Thursday, December 3, 2009

Road Raging.

Oh man, you guys. I almost killed some lady yesterday just using the power of my mind. I was waiting in a line of cars waiting to exit a parking lot and another row of cars on the right was waiting to turn (and merge into our main line). I let the first guy go in front of me and then pulled up behind him. That's the way it works, right? You take turns. I learned this in kindergarten. Well, the snooty snot behind him decided that she wanted me to let her in too, nay, she DEMANDED I let her in by inching...inching...inching...forward no matter how far I pulled up. Finally, the guy in front of me got his chance to exit the parking lot and I'll be damned if that bitch didn't peel out in front of me, forcing me to slam on the brakes. When I slammed the heel of my hand into my horn she gave me a smirk. OH NO YOU DINT.


(Just FYI, her license plate said, "LOV LIF" and she had those horrible pink polka-dotted initial stickers, so if you see her around town, please give her the finger for me.)

Y'all, I lost my shit. I was that red-faced angry screaming harpy that you're all afraid of. If I'd had a Callaway driver I would have taken out her SUV's windows. I was deeply pissed. I continued along to my destination, all the while having an angry one-sided conversation that went something like this:

"I let the first person in because I'm A NICE PERSON."

"That's right, I follow THE RULES. Some people just have no MANNERS."

"I swear to god if one more of those west end ladies-who-lunch fuck with me I am going to BUST THEM UP."

Yeah, good stuff. I kept driving and as I was headed towards the intersection before the bridge, who should I pull up behind? Oh, you're gonna be LOVing LIF alright. I made sure to give her the finger as I passed her on the bridge and then I did the most incredibly passive-aggressive thing I could think of:

I got in front of her.... and went one mile under the speed limit. The whole way across. YEAH I DID.

High five.


  1. *falling out laughing*

    Oh, that's hilarious. I mean, it's tragic, and I'm way glad it wasn't me (and it wasn't!) but you have me laughing my head off over the way you told it.


  2. Awesome. I've done that before. Fuckers go around you and then end up behind you again because karma's a bitch and I'm meting it out. Oh yeah.

  3. Oh I HATE drivers like her! Glad you got your revenge though:)

  4. Yay! I love happy endings. Usually those things just end in frustration...wait what am I talking about?