Monday, November 29, 2010

Monday Ennui

I know I promised vacation pictures and stories but you're just going to have to wait another day or too. I'm currently in my yearly state of post-Thanksgiving ennui. Or, "paralyzing holiday-induced state panic" if we're going to go all out and be completely honest. The panic, paired with the mental shutdown I always have on the Monday following a long holiday weekend, means I sat at my desk today in a near-comatose state, flinching when spoken to and praying to be left alone by, well, almost everyone.

Also, wishing we could just have a "no small talk" clause written into days like this. Like, right now my list of people I'd like to talk to is about at three. Three people. Are you one of them? WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW. (So yeah, probably not.)

But I ask, is it normal to spend the entire day feeling like I want to cry? And then thinking about Christmas and really, really wanting to cry? Because I like Christmas, I just wish I could hire someone to do it for me so I can just sit back and enjoy it instead of fearing it.

Because, really, I think maybe I'm broken. A good friend emailed me and asked if I wanted to get together and do something "festive" and a cold shiver went down my spine. Festive? WHAT DOES SHE MEAN. It was as if she'd asked me if I wanted to go to a Christmas store in July or something. Only it's not July anymore. Oh, no! This is totally a reasonable request because it's nearly December.

I weep.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Only Me.

Okay, here's the thing. This has not at all been a bad week for me. Decent as weeks go, especially when I had the shining realization that next week was a two-day work week. THAT IS SO GOOD.

In the average day I live moment to moment, occasionally laughing out loud at something in my head or having random dark thoughts out of nowhere, like when I drove back from lunch earlier today, spotted the Annoying Mail Guy's van and briefly contemplated flooring the gas pedal and ramming into it just to scare the crap out of him. (Not to maim or kill, people. No, really.) This thought also made me happy so maybe I'm just dark. (But not dark enough to be able to handle watching that new zombie show. Why did I think I could handle that? I CANNOT handle that.)

So, the week in general has been clomping along just fine and then?  I got locked in the bathroom at work. Unlike the last time I got locked in the bathroom, this wasn't a single stall so much as a single room bathroom with a faulty doorknob that decided to just take the day off. I'm surprised I didn't actually break my face when I unlocked the door and flung my full weight into it only to thump my body uselessly against a plank of solid oak. Ow.

I fiddled with the knob and tried over and over to open the door but it wasn't happening. I was perplexed, then full of denial, then angry that I was stuck without a book or iPod or ANYTHING to keep me occupied.

A few minutes later I heard someone on the other side of the door rustling around in the fridge and I banged on the door and told this person I was locked in. They were all, "Oh, no! Hold on! I'll go find the custodian!"

I was relieved until I heard this person pause,  unwrap their Lean Cuisine, leisurely put it in the microwave and push the buttons before finally bothering to wander off and find someone to free me. Well, thanks, jerk. I'll just be hanging out HERE IN THE BATHROOM WHILE YOU EAT YOUR LUNCH FIRST.

Eventually she came back with the custodian who freed me with a pair of scissors (with which she jimmied the lock.) There was, of course, a whole group of folks gathered around in the hall gleefully waiting to see who the victim was. Well, hi there, assholes. Just me. Of course it's me.

Then, THEN, the custodian said, "You're the second person who's gotten locked in here today!"

Okay, really? Because there shouldn't have been a second person, right? I mean, after the first person has proven the lock to be faulty, perhaps a note? Or a piece of tape over the lock thingy?

Anyway. All of this is just a lead-up to plug my friend Pamela's blog. Because this girl tells embarrassing stories the likes of which you will not believe. But I've met her and it's all true. She really is that awesome.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Forgive me.

I know, dude. I KNOW. This is ridiculous that I'm even admitting I do this but sometimes when I'm bored I go back a few years and read old entries just to find out where my brain was in, say, 2007. And then I read this entry and started snort-laughing at my desk because that shit is FUNNY.

Then I remembered I wrote it and felt like a jerk for being all, I'M SO AWESOMELY FUNNY.

But, sometimes I am.

Reading all my posts from November 2007 (when I did NaBloPoMo) makes me really miss my old Amblus scrawls. While I don't know that I have a daily entry in me, I do promise to try to update in a more timely manner and to more often share the weird crap that happens to me. You guys still out there?

Monday, November 1, 2010

...And, it's November.

I'm such an ass. Sorry, kids. But, I feel like I will have new and exciting things to talk about after this coming weekend, as my husband and I are going on a short trip to celebrate our ten year anniversary. The original plan was to go back to Charleston so I could eat this, but alas, Charleston is freaking expensive. But! Instead we've decided to rent a cabin at Douthat State Park and go mountain biking in the actual, you know, mountains. Sounds fun! And it will be, except for the part where you ride uphill for hours.

Also, the weather forecast right now looks kind of awful, but there will be a cabin and and fireplace and s'mores and we can always do things like "talk to each other" so I think it'll be a fun weekend either way. It's been ages since we took a vacation together, so we're both looking forward to it.

I promise crossmyheart that I will post photos an' shit after we get back because this blog has just been dying a slow death. Maybe I need to botch up a cake recipe again or something. Dang.