Not everybody knows your rules Larry!

Last night I had dinner out with friends and we began debating about Joss Whedon shows. (NERDS. I know.) I was all Team Buffy against a bunch of Team Firefly. Now, really. I ask you! I was all, I HAVE RULES ABOUT THESE THINGS. LIKE LARRY DAVID.

Now, if you don't watch Curb Your Enthusiasm and don't know what I'm talking about, first, you need to fix that shit and watch the show. Essentially, Larry lives by his own rules and runs into problems because the rest of the world doesn't know his rules. I feel for him because I have LOTS of rules and it's frustrating that nobody seems to follow them. Here are a few. Please try to keep up.

The Rules.

1. Don't snap gum, wear strong perfume, jangle your jewelry, click your pen, rip up paper, listen to your iPod loud enough for me to hear it, or whisper in an exaggerated manner. You are annoying me.

2. It's none of your business what number is on the bottom of my plastic water bottle.

3. If your shopping cart hits my heels accidentally, my hand might hit your face. Accidentally.

4. Don't bless me and I won't bless you. Deal?

5. If I'm reading, it doesn't mean I am lonely and have no one to talk to. It means I'd rather read than talk to you.

6. Hey you, slow walker? Can't you feel me steaming up your tail? Solution: WALK FASTER.

7. Crocs. No.

8. Adrien. With an E. Not Adrian. Not Adrienne. Not Adriene. Not Adriane. Not Adrianne. NOT.

9. If you do the Rocky thing you are dead to me. If you don't know what I'm talking about, that's great.

10. I don't really answer the phone, especially not my cellphone. You don't pay the bill, so I don't have to answer.

11. Just because I am athletic doesn't mean I run. I don't run. I don't run because I don't want to run. No amount of convincing will make me want to do anything but not run.

12. If I see you in the grocery store and pretend not to see you, it's not an accident. It's just that I don't want to see to you.

13. Yes: The Office, The Daily Show, Community, Glee, 30 Rock, Chuck, Lost, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Rescue Me, Mad Men, Dexter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

14: No: The Bachelor, American Idol, Two and a Half Men, Biggest Loser, Fox News, Anything with Guy Fieri, Jersey Shore.

14. Oh, you want me to smile? Why, is my serious face bringing you down, asshole?

15. If you are all germ-phobic I will probably think you are overreacting. Then I'll tell you about skin mites.

Have a great weekend!

It's Friday. What What.

I don't have much for you this week because all my energy has been over here at the NEW BLOG. But, I really needed to give y'all an update on my car because...only me, y'all. Only me.

So, if you remember from last week, my car needed a state inspection and also a new rack and pinion/power steering pump thingy. Got it fixed and on the way home Kenny noticed the airbag light was on and the horn didn't work. He took it back last Friday morning and that afternoon called me at work to let me know that the garage claimed it wasn't their fault.

Wasn't. Their. Fault.

The broken part is called a spiral cable and it would cost about $300 plus labor.

Oh, really.

So, let's review: During the state inspection the horn worked and the airbag light was off. Two hours later after they pulled apart my steering stuff, the horn doesn't work and the airbag light on. And it's not their fault? OH I BEG TO DIFFER.

After I calmed down, I called the garage and had a little chat with the owner, who protested that my car was OLD and part BREAK magically all by themselves. I finally talked him down and got him to agree to install the part for free. Kenny was sure he could find it cheap on eBay (which we did. Maybe.) Okay, fine, FINE.

But!

Oh, there's always a big but, isn't there? Further research uncovered this little nugget in an article:

Steering gear service precaution. Toyota offers the following advice for doing steering gear service on the 1996 and newer models listed below that are equipped with a driver's-side air bag: When the intermediate shaft is disconnected and the steering wheel is allowed to turn freely, the SRS spiral cable may be broken. To prevent this, pass the seat belt through the steering wheel and latch it to the anchor on the right side of the seat. The affected vehicles are: Tercel, Paseo, Corolla, MR2, Celica, Camry, Avalon, Supra, Previa, Sienna, RAV4, 4Runner, Tacoma, TWO and Land Cruiser.

I knew it. Fuckers. So now we have a part that might work and proof that they did freaking break it. I'll let you know what happens.

PS. If you are feeling stressed out just by reading this, please go here: ZooBorns

Baby animals every day! It will make you happier, I promise.

Have a good weekend!

Friday Stuff. Springtime Edition.

So, it's Friday again and I still like stuff, but there's also stuff I don't like. For instance, taking my car in for state inspection. If you're remember back to last year, my $15 inspection ended up costing, like, a lot more. A lot, lot more. This year we took it to the poor people garage instead, hoping they'd be a little more lenient. Um, well, no. Apparently you aren't supposed to have to put power steering fluid in every single week and I need a new power steering pump RIHNOW.

According to them steering is a "safety issue" or something dumb like that. I'm all, bitch please. Gimme one of those hinky Prius cars and don't even worry about fixing it because I am going to look AWESOME flying down the highway at 100 MPH. I might even go back to the future! I'll wave when I swerve around you because, yo, I CAN'T STOP. Woo!

But no, instead my car gets a loving sponge bath with a handful of one hundred dollar bills. Do not like. Also, it had to go right back today because when Kenny picked it up last night the airbag light was on and the horn didn't work. Hi, please hook it back up correctly? Not to much to ask? Hmph.

But I do like:

Daylight Saving Time. I know, I know, next week is going to hurt what with losing that hour of sleep, but oh! Precious after work daylight, I have missed you so. I am DYING to get back out on the bike trails after work. Cannot wait.


Givenchy Tartine et Chocolat Ptisenbon. That is a mouthful of words, sorry. This is my spring/summer perfume though it can hardly be called perfume because it's so light, so not sweet, not cloying, just smells lemony and clean and maybe a little bit like baking bread and licorice. Not in a weird way, either. It doesn't have much staying power but I don't like to be overly smelly anyway, so that's fine by me. It's been discontinued but is still readily available on eBay and various discount perfume websites.

Lara Bars. Lately we've been trying to eat much better and have sworn off most processed foods. I've cut way back on sugar and alcohol as well. But, I still occasionally want a little treat and Lara Bars seem to be a healthful solution. They're very simple: ground nuts, dates and coconut (or other dried fruit.) No weird ingredients, no wheat, no corn syrup, just real stuff in bar form. I like the Coconut Cream Pie flavor the best. I bought a few yesterday and the gentleman who rang me up started telling me all about his wheat allergy and the horrifying things that corn syrup does in your gut. Um, just want to buy my hippie snacks and leave now, thanks mister. Sheesh.




Looks Good from the Back. Hey! New blog, because that's exactly what I needed. This one is a team effort, though. My friend Marianne and I decided to start a fashion blog (stop laughing) with no twee poses, just straight up outfits, stuff we like, and lots of unfortunate try-on-stuff sessions. Check it out! I think it'll be fun and we're both really excited about it.

It's Friday and I like music.

Today I just like music. I mean, I like other stuff, but I'm just going to ramble about music because nothing else has been rocking my world lately. I've been exchanging emails with a friend who occasionally sends me cool song suggestions, which got me explaining the kind of new bands I really like. They tend to be similar and could be categorized thusly:

- Can fit in my pocket

- British (or would like to be)

- Heroin (or other drug) addiction

- Band members date similarly drug-addicted models and/or actresses

- Punk influenced

- Awesome until third album (or until Josh Homme fucks with it real bad)

For example, I like the Strokes, Arctic Monkeys, The Libertines, that kind of thing. I also dig thinky bands like Modest Mouse and Franz Ferdinand and I'm supposed to like Phoenix, Kings of Leon and Arcade Fire, but I'm not sure I do. I like to sing along and I like angry more than emo, it appears. But! I also have some stuff on my iPod that would probably blow your mind and would definitely make you reconsider reading my blog. Like, I had to prove to my friend Ashley that there really is a Phil Collins song (Against All Odds) on my iPod because she didn't believe me. And when she saw what song, she was all, "Okay, I get that." There also might be an Elton John song (OKAY TWO) as well. What can I say? Sometimes I just need to be all 1984-mainstream-pensive.

And yeah, I can hear you sort of dismissing that as acceptable nostalgia, so how does that explain my obsession with Taylor Swift? No, I'm not kidding. I just have the one song but I'm seriously considering buying the whole album because there's nothing I like more than a really well-constructed pop song and "You Belong With Me" firmly falls into that category. It's simple, it's catchy, it's easy to sing to sing along with (ALONE IN YOUR CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP.) Plus, she's pretty! And seems to be a nice girl. God, I am a sap. Why do I tell you all these things? Happy Friday. Please don't unfriend me.