Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Wild Wildlife.

On the local news it's been reported that there has been a lion sighted in the city and surrounding county area. Lion. Sightings. A serious, no shit, full-sized lion walking around in the city. The best part is, nobody has reported a lion missing. Where the hell did the lion come from? If you had a lion, wouldn't you notice if it were missing? I mean, it's not like when you misplace your favorite pen or something.

"Dude, have you seen my lion?"

"Your lion? No idea. Have you looked for it?"

"Yeah, I can't find it anywhere. It's not on the front hall table or under the couch or anywhere."

"Huh. I'm sure it'll turn up."

The best part is that there seems to be the implication that people are making this up because nobody has actually gotten a photo of it. This is totally ridiculous because I looked through a bunch of photos on the digital camera and and that fucking lion has been everywhere, eating all our steak and ruining our shots. Get a life, lion dude.

Here she is in Carytown cutting in line at the Byrd in Carytown:

And here she is at the library where I work (stalk much, Elsa?)

And here she is scoping out the real estate in Oregon Hill:

And seriously, I don't even remember seeing her on the trail during this ride, but she managed to get in the shot:

(Glad I can ride fast!)

Later on she completely ruined this photo:

And OMG, get the hell away from my cookies, LION:

I'm so over this asshole.

(special thanks to my honey for his photo skillz!)


  1. Ahhh, that's the stuff. We need more tomfoolery from Amblus.

    Now I will tell you about my favourite lion photo. I feel a bit unique because I have a favourite lion photo. It's a shot in National Geographic (I think) of a bunch of lions crowding around a fake lion that some researchers had planted there - possibly as part of an experiment to see what happens when you fuck with lion's heads (this does not seem like a good idea to me, but whatever). Of all the photos, the best is the one where the live lions are all staring in the same direction as mannequin-Simba because they're clearly trying to figure out what's so awesome that this one lion is willing to stand absolutely still and stare off into the distance. You can almost see the interest and puzzlement on their faces.

    Several photos later the lions have figured out the score and have begun to methodically paw through the straw-stuffed innards of their fake friend. I imagine it's gone on to become part of the local lion lore.

  2. Wow, and he clearly knew you were taking his photo because he turned his best side to the camera every single time! I had no idea lions had that much ego.

  3. That is too funny.

    I live in a college town. On campus are two live lions. I shit you not. I've imagined them getting out, walking down main street, window shopping....

  4. Oh damn, that lion just stole your pony!'s/Day%20in%20the%20life/Lion%20on%20Pony1.JPG

  5. It is real. I was bike riding towards Old Gun Road this summer and the lion was 5-feet from me on the side of the road. Scared the crap out of me.

  6. You did NOT just link to NBC 12. I'll have you know that Chesterfield authorities are angry because CHANNEL 12 totally misquoted wildlife experts for their story.

    Next time remember where your own flesh and blood works!

    * That said, we don't even have the story on our site right now -- but one of our reporters turned a new piece for my show today.

  7. HOW do you know I didn't check the WRIC website first, missy? If you guys don't have the story and the RT-D doesn't have it, where am I supposed to go? WTVR? Haha.

  8. HAHA you are one better than me.. I didn't even check our site until I was halfway through typing that comment. We have a lackluster site because everyone in charge of updating it already has job. That said.. the lion was last spotted pretty close to us!! TAKE COVER.

  9. Ok, I'm coming out of lurking to say that this post seriously rules.


  11. This post rocks! I love your lion pics, totally funny!

  12. The lion at the Byrd photo is the best thing I've seen all day.

  13. I love your lion photos. I recently did a similar exercise with a dinosaur and Hannah Montana. I'm sure the real things are out there. We even get an occasional moose sighting near where I live and I don't even live near Alaska or Sarah Palin.