Thursday, April 2, 2009

Poor me. Literally.

So, how's this for a kick in the face? We bought a new heat pump/ac last year and it was really, really expensive but everyone told us we'd get a sweet tax credit for it. Oh, but guess what dipshit president declined to renew that tax credit when it expired at the end of 2007? That's right. It's back on now, so the only year you can't claim that credit is 2008. When we bought the heat pump. Bastards.

Speaking of poor, I forked over $500 yesterday so some guy could rooter out my tooth. The constant dull pain became a CONSTANT JABBING THROBBING pain by Sunday night. I could sleep, I couldn't eat, I could read. The over-the-counter drugs didn't stand a chance. Remember that scene in Cast Away where Tom Hanks chunks out his bad tooth with a rock? I have a new and deep understanding of that scene now. Please, could you hand me that rock?

I got a prescription on Monday for painkillers that helped, but not nearly enough. (Totally overrated when not being taken recreationally.) I went to see the endodontist on Tuesday and she very kindly poked* at my tooth, then watched in horror as I writhed around in the chair in answer to her, "does that hurt?" YES, WHY YES IT DOES. OMG. Strangely enough, the hot/cold sensitivity was nearly gone because my tooth's nerve was dying. Dang. She gave me some fancy prescription-grade Advil and told me I could take Advil with the Vicodin and, lo, it helped! I was still in constant pain, but it was manageable.

Yesterday morning I had my root canal, which I'd initially dreaded. It's amazing what a buttload of pain will do to adjust that attitude, isn't it? By Monday I was looking forward to it like a birthday party or something. Woo, bring on the scritchy drill! Root me out! Go go go! The actual procedure wasn't the most fun I've ever had, but it didn't hurt. It was sort of horrifying to imagine exactly what it was they were doing up in there and the smell! Oh my God, the smell. Opening up my tooth was like opening a tomb filled with half-rotting mummies. It was archaically bad. I mean, BAD. The other really bad part was one of the instruments that let off an incredibly high-pitched whine that only me and dogs can hear. I must have levitated because my endodontist checked to make sure I was okay. TOTALLY DEAF IN THAT EAR BUT I'M FINE, JUST FINE. CARRY ON.

Afterward I went home and had a milkshake (score!) and watched trashy television. It's amazing, but the pain is GONE. Completely gone. That is just the greatest thing ever. In a couple of weeks I have to go get a crown, so there's that to dread, but for now I'm pretty happy to be pain-free without resorting to using a rock. Go modern dentistry. Woo.

Oh, and I should mention that it's a bad thing to be all drugged up on April Fool's Day because I will apparently fall for anything. I think I bought some magic beans and paid into a Ponzi scheme. Oops?

* UPDATE: I thought she just poked at my tooth with a pokey tool, but I found out tonight from my friend Michael that she freaking SHOCKED MY TOOTH. God, no wonder I was rolling around moaning. WHAT. THE. HELL.



    I'm so glad your tooth is better! Sounds like hell. I had some fillings done last month and two of them have been really sensitive and I keep meaning to go back and get them fixed. But in the past few days they feel maybe less sensitive...? Is it really possible for a nerve to die or become less nerve-y? I'm only asking you because you're a dentist and all.

  2. By God, you deserve a crown - and not on your tooth!

    Hey, maybe they can make you a gold crown, encrusted with jew-ELS for your tooth. Major bling. And a grill that says, "Amblus."

    Have fun with! No? Shut up, City? Okay.

  3. City Girl, I love the idea of an AMBLUS grill. Must get on that. Bling!

    Sara, it's completely normal for new fillings to be sensitive and gradually get less sensitive. What's not normal is if the sensitivity is replaces with sharp jabby pain.

  4. I'll never forget my root canal. Dentist used some kind of weird rubbery tool and jammed it into the gaping hole he'd drilled in the tooth. Then started, like, plunging it in and out. I thought, did I really have to be awake for this?

    And yeah...the smell. Death. Multiple deaths.

  5. I'm not laughing *at* you, my dear ... I'm laughing *with* you. Seriously.

    The rock parts totally cracked me up....