Thursday, November 18, 2010

Only Me.

Okay, here's the thing. This has not at all been a bad week for me. Decent as weeks go, especially when I had the shining realization that next week was a two-day work week. THAT IS SO GOOD.

In the average day I live moment to moment, occasionally laughing out loud at something in my head or having random dark thoughts out of nowhere, like when I drove back from lunch earlier today, spotted the Annoying Mail Guy's van and briefly contemplated flooring the gas pedal and ramming into it just to scare the crap out of him. (Not to maim or kill, people. No, really.) This thought also made me happy so maybe I'm just dark. (But not dark enough to be able to handle watching that new zombie show. Why did I think I could handle that? I CANNOT handle that.)

So, the week in general has been clomping along just fine and then?  I got locked in the bathroom at work. Unlike the last time I got locked in the bathroom, this wasn't a single stall so much as a single room bathroom with a faulty doorknob that decided to just take the day off. I'm surprised I didn't actually break my face when I unlocked the door and flung my full weight into it only to thump my body uselessly against a plank of solid oak. Ow.

I fiddled with the knob and tried over and over to open the door but it wasn't happening. I was perplexed, then full of denial, then angry that I was stuck without a book or iPod or ANYTHING to keep me occupied.

A few minutes later I heard someone on the other side of the door rustling around in the fridge and I banged on the door and told this person I was locked in. They were all, "Oh, no! Hold on! I'll go find the custodian!"

I was relieved until I heard this person pause,  unwrap their Lean Cuisine, leisurely put it in the microwave and push the buttons before finally bothering to wander off and find someone to free me. Well, thanks, jerk. I'll just be hanging out HERE IN THE BATHROOM WHILE YOU EAT YOUR LUNCH FIRST.

Eventually she came back with the custodian who freed me with a pair of scissors (with which she jimmied the lock.) There was, of course, a whole group of folks gathered around in the hall gleefully waiting to see who the victim was. Well, hi there, assholes. Just me. Of course it's me.

Then, THEN, the custodian said, "You're the second person who's gotten locked in here today!"

Okay, really? Because there shouldn't have been a second person, right? I mean, after the first person has proven the lock to be faulty, perhaps a note? Or a piece of tape over the lock thingy?

Anyway. All of this is just a lead-up to plug my friend Pamela's blog. Because this girl tells embarrassing stories the likes of which you will not believe. But I've met her and it's all true. She really is that awesome.


  1. ...reminding me of the time that I walked into THAT SAME BATHROOM to rinse out a dish, and when I turned on the water the spigot -- the part the water comes out of -- SHOT UP IN THE AIR simultaneously scaring the crap out of me and splooshing my whole face with water. I screamed, then (surprisingly, for me) managed to turn off the water. I turned around and two individuals from payroll who shall not be named but are not Sharon said "Oh, yeah, that's been happening all morning."


  2. Haaa, I feel like you work in the office from Joe vs. The Volcano. I also feel like perhaps the only person who remembers that movie, so this is a reference I may have to enjoy alone. And aw, thanks for the blog shout out.

  3. First, I have to say that I continually fight overwhelming urges to throw things, usually at people. Like you, it's not to hurt them but rather just to study their response.

    Second, I have one really bad phobia and its getting stuck in public bathrooms. You handled yourself splendidly considering the circumstances...

  4. Mary, ha! I think Payroll is jacking up the bathroom for entertainment purposes.

    Now Pamela, you know I love Joe Versus the Volcano. The first 15 minutes are brilliant.

    APT, I maybe want to hurt them just a little bit.

  5. Once I got stuck in the elevator at work.

    It was a job I really hated, and I was the only person in the elevator, so I decided to take a nap first. I figured Maintenance might figure out what was up, and if they didn't, I could hit the "call" button when I was good and damn ready.

    Surprisingly, it all worked out perfectly. I got in about a half-hour's kip, and then had about 15 minutes to wait while the elevator repair guy dicked around with the controls, and I had a solid, air-tight excuse as to why I was late coming back from the mail run.