Thursday, February 21, 2008

Three Things Learned the HARD way.

Damn hell ass kings, I got tagged by Eliza (and tagged some more by Palinode) and now I have to write an entry after going days and days of being slack. I don't have the flu anymore, so fine. FINE.

Tag, the first:

Three Things Learned the HARD way.

1. You really should get your timing belt replaced, rather than waiting for it to break. When it goes, it goes with a snappity-snap noise and you will thank your lucky stars that it happened in a parking lot and not two seconds later when you would have been speeding down the highway. You will not be so happy about the $500 repair a week before Christmas, especially as this is about how much you make per paycheck.

2. When you have a job interview for a job you're not certain about and they leave you waiting for half an hour, it's a sign to leave. Since you were dumb and waited around to be interviewed anyway, saying "I'll do anything!" is your obvious next mistake. NOT GOOD. They will take you up on it and the next thing you know you're pretending to be the small business helpline for the entire state of Maryland, even though you live in Virginia. Bad jobs are usually pretty obvious right up front, but not to me, apparently.

3. When the girl you suspect your boyfriend is sleeping with leans over you at his party to tell his roommate that she couldn't find any aspirin in their medicine cabinet that morning, it's really not necessary to first corner the roommate (who's high) and demand information, confront the boyfriend (who's also high) in front of his friends and demand an explanation, leave and then come back because you "forgot to hit him" and then hit him before stomping away. It's also pointless to then do drive-bys on your bicycle later that night because you ALREADY HAVE ALL THE INFORMATION YOU NEED, LOSER. God.

Tag, the second:

The rules:

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

I'm not doing #5 because that is sort of chain-letterish and also I'm lazy. I'm completely ignoring Palinode's dire warning about rules tinkering, understanding that this might send me into a hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold hell. I have already been there, Aidan. In high school I worked in a movie theater that showed nothing but Pretty Woman for four and a half months. I HAVE IMMUNITY. Anyway, mine is thus:

The nearest book to me is Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen:

The voices drop. There's a shuffling, and someone shushing someone. "What is it?" calls August.


  1. I wrote the exact same thing about those stupid rules - just tell me what lines to post and not...and then end it! I have not suffered any ill effect. So far.

  2. From Murakami's Dance Dance Dance: "A perfection of sorts. That didn't go anywhere. Like my head."
    ...hmm. Not as good as yours! But thanks for the mini-project. Honestly, you're hilarious, and reading this blog always makes my day.