Friday, February 1, 2008

Weekly Grocery Store List.

This is a new blog feature because how else can I fully explain the weirdness of the local time machine that is the grocery store? I grew up here and do my best ex-boyfriend/ex-friend dodging there. I had my first job bagging groceries at this store. I do a weekly shopping trip and every week I walk away with a Who I Saw list. Tonight, for example:

1. Assy Creep. This is the guy who a mutual friend tried to set me up with years and years ago. He wasn't interested and I wondered if perhaps he was gay. Au contraire? It wasn't dick he liked, it was skinny chicks, of which I was not one. Years later he ran into me during the Summer of Unemployment when I was at my thinnest and tannest. Assy Creep, who'd ignored me for years suddenly remembered my name and was falling over himself to tell me how great I looked. I resisted giving him the finger with my wedding-ring hand. Anyway, I saw him tonight in the baking aisle. He gave me a friendly hello, I gave him a thin grimace of a smile back.

2. Robert, who I used to work with. Robert is a career waiter who works at the art museum. He's a very nice guy and a very good waiter. He's a little strange, but always friendly. We exchanged a polite-but-genuine hellohowareyous.

3. That Guy. That guy is one of those guys who you've seen around for years but can't quite remember if you actually have met in the past or just recognize each other from around. We generally see each other in the produce department and say hello in passing. It gives my shopping trip a nice sense of continuity.

4. Some Lady. I was in the dairy department and reached for a carton of milk when I looked up and Some Lady smiled at me and said "Hiiii!" like she knew me. I had no idea who she was and gave her a brief smile back, letting my eyes slide past her as I scurried back to my cart. I spent the rest of my shopping trip trying to figure out if I knew her from somewhere. I don't think I do. God, I hope I don't, because I was kind of inadvertently rude. I just wanted some milk!

And that, my friends, was my weekly grocery store list


  1. I know how you feel; when I graduated from high school, I left my rural town to go to a very liberal college. Unfortunately, after I graduated from college in May, the only job I could land was at the hometown grocery chain, which means I see people I knew/dated in high school all the time. Half of them have babies on their hips, which makes me throw up a little, because they're younger than me: I'm only 22.

  2. Oh, goodness, I smile at EVERYONE in the grocery store because you never know who's been talking to Elvis that morning.

  3. The grocery store is a horror for me. People remember me because I stand out with some weird, macabre charisma. But they all seem like beached whales to me.

    My latest gimmick when greeted by an unknown face is to say in a straight voice, "You look familiar!" When they identify themselves I scold them for not getting my little joke.

    Or I just brain them with a can of soup and flee.

    Good post!