Monday, December 29, 2008

The Hot Secret

I have so many guilty pleasures that I really shouldn't even call them that, I should just admit I have bad taste. One of my recent guilty pleasures is VH1 Classic, one of those ridiculous spin-off channels (ESPN 8! The Ocho!) created for when the original channel gets so far from what it was that they have to create another one to fill the void. VH1 Classic is great in that it shows all the crappy old music videos and even occasionally some really good ones (that I promise you were never ever actually shown on VH1. Ever.)

VH1 Classic is one of my favorite channels I flip to during commercials so I watch it a fair amount. Lately they've been showing a horrifying number of mini programs hosted by...Mark Goodman.


Sorry, where was I? What? Oh right. I was talking about the most incredibly boring white dude ever. EV. ER. God, could he suck more? I feel my coolness getting sucked right out of me every time he opens his boring stupid mouth. GOD. Shut UP, Mark Goodman. Tonight he was counting down the top 10 ten whatever whatever videos of whatever whatever. I would know except that I sort of zone out when he's talking so I don't kill things. (I mean, does it just seem wrong that he's even allowed to talk about The Clash? There are rules about this, right?)

ANYWAY, I do have a point. My point is that when Stupid Ass Face was talking about The Clash I was reminded of something I've been meaning to write about. Something very important: The Secret Hot Band Member.

There's one in every band, except maybe Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers because, damn:

Yeah, sorry boys. Maybe they're better looking now?

So, my first brilliant example of this is The Clash. Name the hot member of The Clash. You're probably either thinking, "Joe Strummer, duh!" or "Seriously, what?"

But here's your answer:

Paul Simonon.

Oh my God, you're welcome. I'll give you a minute.

Now, lets move on to U2. I know, I know what your thinking, "There is no hot member of U2 and if you say The Edge I'm never reading this blog again." Au contraire! Check it:

I know it's hard to see him over Bono's giant fat mullet head, but he's there. Being hot.

Larry Mullen, Jr., my friends. Being hot all in the background behind that drum set. Good for him for keeping it on the down low.

And finally, let's talk a minute about The Strokes. You might like the band or not but you probably couldn't pick any of the band members out of a lineup, and that's fine. You might know that Drew Barrymore dated one of them, and that would be the hot one. She may not have the finest taste in men, but he is pretty fine:

Fabrizio Moretti. Pretty eyes, no? He's even better when he's all dishevelled:

And that's it for tonight. You probably disagree with me on at least one of these and that's fine, to each his or her own. But, if you leave a comment, please tell me about your hot secret, since you know so much.


  1. Ok my secret is that I would leave my family for Bono with out hesitation! I have loved that man since 1982, I was 14!

    I would take mullet and all!

  2. You're wrong and it was Joe Strummer, but that's okay. How were you to know? You weren't there when your sister was hanging out backstage with them in 1983.

    Ah, the sibling rivalry. How I love to stoke it.

  3. Ha, we were just discussing the unfortunate looks of the Heartbreakers over Christmas, and we decided they intended for their name to be ironic? I still love them, though.

  4. Yes, yes, yes and yes!

    PS - Love VH1 Classic.
    PPS - LOVED the Strokes!

  5. I love love love love love love Paul Simonon! x)

  6. "Oh my God, you're welcome. I'll give you a minute."

    It's so true !