Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Highly Cultured Morning Routine

In the morning while we eat our breakfast Kenny and I watch the Today Show for the important headlines and weather and when it disentigrates into fluff/tabloid fodder, we switch over to VH-1 Classics, an addiction I know I've discussed here before. If the video is unwatchable, I then switch over to the regular VH-1 to watch whatever manufactured crap is being pushed down the throats of today's youth. Commentary ensues:

(VH-1 Classics video: Eric Clapton circa 1988ish)

"Kenny, this is one video that could actually use a goofy 80's story line."

"Wow. It's...boring."

"Yeah. Nothing like watching paint dry. Paint in a slouchy scrunched-sleeve duster coat."

"I guess it's a good song though."


(VH-1 video: Lady G@ga, Poker Face)

stunned silence

"Can you believe she's 22 years old? She could be 16...Or 38."

"You know, anyone could be singing this. Just anyone."

"True, but they had to find someone with the right look...who is willing to walk around in public without pants."

(video, George Michael, Father Figure)


"Wow. How could anyone not have known he was gay?"

"Totally. Wait! I love this part. The model gets mad and cheats with the fashion photographer. Then she throws her lipstick and says 'fuck' into the mirror. You can't hear it, but that's totally what she's saying."

"Yeah, honey. Okay."

"Look at him almost not cringing while kissing that model. He clearly loves p*ssy."


"'Wake Me Up Before you Go-Go' should have been the tipoff."

"Gayest video ever. It's my favorite. I seriously love it. I do."

"I know you do, honey."

(video: unknown current band)

"Who is that? I think I might like this song."

"Maybe the Killers? I think it might be the Killers."

"No, I don't think so. But I like it...probably because it sounds just like the Killers."

"Huh. The Airborne Toxic Event? Seriously? Kids today."

(video: Morningw0od)

"Blarrr! Morningw0od? Ugh, stupidest name ever."

"Douche rock! Woo!"

I wander off to finish getting dressed. Kenny changes the channel back to VH-1 Classics and I hear the something in the classic-southern-rock genre.

"Dirty hippies..."

"Really? Which ones?"

The End

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