Seriously, what the eff, people. You get a little age on you and feel like you might be pretty competent with this life thing and then some dang toddler comes along and ruins everything. I tried to take a Mensa test online and it was all math and logic! It's totally unfair because I don't think IQ should necessarily be based on number games. Some of the best number-games-solvers can't hard boil an egg, so what really makes someone a genius? Some of us average IQ folks suck at numbers but that doesn't make us dumb. Stupid numbers (and genius toddlers) ruin everything. Everything! Plus, since when is being a Mensa member something to brag about? Well la di frickin da, you're good at logic puzzles, slap a genius gold star on you! Not that I'm bitter, but dang. I should also add that the Mensa "fun" test I tried to do online included this as a question:
2. If two typists can type two pages in two minutes, how many typists will it take to type 18 pages in six minutes?
WHAT THE CRAP, PEOPLE. Is it 1950? Also, I DON'T KNOW, WHY NOT ASK THE BABY GENIUS AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, GIVE THE POOR TYPISTS A COMPUTER OR SOMETHING.
(Note: if you solve this question and snidely post the answer in my comments you are dead to me and all your future comments will be mocked. Or I'll just ban you. Please don't test me on this because I just want to make fun of the question, is that okay? I DO NOT WANT THE STUPID ANSWER.)
Another thing thing that is bugging the crap out of me: is there some kind of evil underground organization that exists solely to make sure that horrible drivers are all up in my business no matter where I am, but specifically when I'm driving to work, especially if I'm running late? This morning there was a white van ahead of me driving alternately sloooowly and then speeding up with occasional forays into the other lane. Every now and then he would slow down to a near stop for no reason at all. I was ready to burst through my windshield and strangle him with my very own bare hands. I did shake my fist at him when I was finally able to pass because what the ass, dude. It's a complete conspiracy and I want it to end.
Clearly, I'm in a mood.
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ReplyDeleteA. Re: the Mensa thing. I can't pass the damn test either but I know three people who belong to that fine, fine organization. #1 is an antisocial asshole. #2 has no qualms about rudely butting into conversations wherever she may go, also loud gum-chewing, and copious drinking of Diet Coke in meetings with subsequent copious loud belching. Yes, in the same meeting IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE. Oh, the horror. #3, I have it on good authority from someone who went on a business trip with him, ate so much at a buffet one night that he puked on himself. So clearly this is not a test of common sense or social skill.
ReplyDeleteB. about the bad drivers, yes there is such a conspiracy and I know this because I'm a victim of it too. When I want to get on the Beltway people are always hogging the merge lane, with three empty lanes beside them. WTF? However, I have given up the fist-shaking and hairy eyeballing for fear of getting shot up here in the Big Bad City.
I wasn't kidding, CLAUDIA.
ReplyDeleteessaywriter, thank you for confirming my suspicions.
You will always be a baby genius to me.
ReplyDeleteYou suck. See if I ever leave you a funny comment again.
ReplyDeleteWas I not clear in my warning?
ReplyDeleteNo - I'm not a member of MENSA. I do not heed warnings, esp when I was making a joke because I have no idea what the answer was and never will because it's too much adding and multiplying and whatever. You are hurting my brain.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, it's not my fault you're too dumb to heed my warning, toddler baby. I had to make an example of you or the rest of these commenters will walk all over me!
ReplyDeleteYou should see the way people drive in Miami....I mean, you have to treat every red light like a stop sign (look both ways before you get smushed).
ReplyDeleteGood God - you and your sister are even funnier together than separately. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree--Amblus and FreshHell should have a joint blog. That would be awesome!
ReplyDelete[And the answer is who cares, nobody types anyway]