Havarti-Like Cheese Food Flavored Goodness

Before I continue my travel woes, can I just complain about a small minor tiny insignificant detail? First, I want you all to look at the calendar month of May, 2007. Okay now, which week would you consider to be the third week in May? This one, yes? Me too. That's why I was expecting my letter from HR telling me if they're going to continue to under-pay me or not. However, though they said the letters would go out this week, they aren't actually going out until next week which is wrong because THIS IS THE THIRD WEEK. One two three, I can count the weeks on one hand, and I'll be damned, this is the third one. It's like they're torturing me very, very subtly.

- Shuttle drivers are crazy

Sincerely, what the HELL. Where do they get these people? Now, I understand that 5:00 am is not the most amazing part of most people's day, but when a bedraggled girl says good morning and struggles to drag her giant suitcase onto the shuttle, why would you, the driver, just sit there with a face like stone acting like I'm interrupting some grand plan? I mean, if I say "good morning" the least you could do is acknowledge that you heard me, jerkface. Then! Then you had the nerve to yell, "WHAHAHRLIIIINE" at me (without actually looking at or anywhere near me) like I can even understand what that means. Actually, it was so random and garbled a statement that I sort of assumed you were speaking into a walkie-talkie or something and didn't pay any attention. You didn't like that at all and angrily yelled, "WHUT! AIR! LINE!" which made me jump about a foot out of my seat. It's FIVE AM, DUDE.

- If you park in the economy lot, take the parking ticket with you

Please do this because otherwise you get off the plane after 12 hours of being hit by the travel stick and you have no clue at all which of the three giant economy lots you parked in. A? B? C? Luckily I was told that B was closed so I picked A and wandered around for a long time before stumbling across my car. Hooray.

- Delta is just alright by me

Every flight was on time. I didn't have to go home and come back, I didn't have to stay in some weird hotel overnight, I didn't have to shake my fist once. Now, my itinerary was totally fucked, but that's what happens when you buy a ticket the night before you leave.

- Onboard movies RULE

Best $7 I've ever spent. Delta now has little built-in screens on the back of each seat so you can watch satellite TV or pay-per-view movies. For $7 I got two movies and 3 1/2 hours of entertainment oblivion. I barely noticed the two dudes on either side of me which is awesome because:

- Men take up too much space

Okay, I know at least ONE of those armrests was meant for me but that's too bad because dudes have this habit of just spreading out all over the place. They don't cross their legs so it's all knees and elbows OUT. Ugh. They were both nice enough but needed to stay out of my $400 worth of airplane real estate. I paid good money for those inches!

- Airplane food is so incredibly stupid

Snacks are not food. Snacks are not food. Snacks are not food. It's so pathetic because when you're on a plane for a long time you'll take and eat almost anything out of sheer boredom. You're never quite hungry but you're never full either. It's really strange. Even when I didn't want the snack I took it anyway and added it to my sad collection of "Snack Foods I'd Never Normally Eat But I Might Be Stuck Later In An Airport And Want Those Cheez Crackers Really Bad." Delta does these ridiculous "snack packs" that include crackers, cheese-food product spread, a tiny container of raisins (ew) and some cookies. It's better than a lame bag of peanuts, but still. I'll bet they gave first class an ice cream sundae and crispy waffles so it's not like they don't have the good stuff stashed somewhere. Jerks.