Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Catch the beat. I'll wait.

Something about the rain makes me cranky. Sorry, I should say, something about the rain makes me crankiER. I'm usually cranky on an everyday low level anyway, but right now the weather is just turning the dial up to eleven.

Last night I was also cranky because my usual spinning instructor was resting up for an upcoming marathon and the substitute was a guy who's class I usually can't handle. Not because it's particularly hard but because it's insufferable. He's nice and all, just really...Up With People. And corny. So corny, you guys. As with most spin classes (not yours, Michael!) I pretty much hate the instructor for the first three songs and then I drink the metaphorical Kool-Aid and I'm in. But this guy, wow.

To start, the first thing out of his mouth was, "Is it Friday yet?" which is one of those idiot saying that just drives me up the wall. NO, ASSHOLE, IT'S TUESDAY. WE ALL KNOW IT'S TUESDAY SO JUST KNOCK IT OFF BECAUSE I HAVEN'T HAD MY KOOL AID YET. HAVE AN F'ING BLESSED DAY WHILE YOU'RE AT IT BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S COMING.


So that got the eyes rolling but I knew he usually settles down after we start and I was willing to suffer through it, until...he caught the beat. I mean, literally, after telling us to "catch the beat" he reached up his hand and caught an imaginary beat. Jesus H. At that point I went beyond cranky and came back around to hilarious. I mean, how can you not laugh at something that stupid? Sort of like the guy who was on the bike next to me last week wearing a red, white and blue striped terrycloth sweat band around his head. So stupid you can only laugh.

So the class continued with the instructor randomly pointing out faults (another habit I hate), telling this person to stop hunching over, and that person that their seat is too low. Important information, but why single people out? Does anyone ever enjoy being singled out because they screwed up? Yeah, not really.

Then! During a rest period he told us to catch our breath and he...wait for it...reached out and caught his breath and pretended to put it back in his mouth. And then I died.

The end.


  1. I totally had a red white and blue striped terrycloth headband as a kid.

    Maybe it's the same one!

  2. I do -- I like having my faults pointed out, even in public, when I do them. If the instructor says "Ok, everybody be sure to keep the bar level" I *know* they mean that somebody's bar isn't level, but I don't know if it's mine. If I were capable of knowing if the bar is level (or whatever) it would be level, but I'm not, so ... is it?

    I'd rather be pointed to, like this: "You, the chick in the red white and blue headband? Your bar is not level."

    Like that.

  3. "During a rest period he told us to catch our breath and he...wait for it...reached out and caught his breath and pretended to put it back in his mouth."

    Oh. My. GOD. Where do these people come from???