Two hours a day, either educational or football.

I know I've said this before, but I don't do Black Friday. I am certainly a shopper, but, like the vampires on Buffy who take Halloween off, I usually take a pass on after-holiday sale madness. It's all too stressful with the crazy lines and the 3am openings and whatnot. I mean, what could I possibly need badly enough to want to wait in line outside a Target when I should be in bed asleep? Nothing...except maybe a flat screen HDTV. That? I need. Badly. BAD BAD BADLY.

I read this article on Friday and ever since I've been plotting on just how early I'd need to be in line to score that 32' HDTV. Please note, the article is just speculation but that is good enough for me. I take television very seriously and, to paraphrase Edwina in Raising Arizona, "I NEED ME A TV, HI. THEY GOT MORE'N THEY KIN HANDLE." What do I exercise and lift weights for if not to elbow people out of the way as I'm sprinting towards the electronics department? Hell, I've been training for this my whole life. I will happily be part of the problem if it scores me a $249 HGTV.

Hi, I'm an American.